Why We Don’t Meditate: And How We Can Change This

            Let’s explore why we don’t meditate twice a day?  Some of us do, but many of us don’t meditate when we should.  People come home after a long, hard day of work, finish their day and fall into bed without meditating.  There’s simply ‘no time’ for meditation.  But why don’t we find the time?  There is so much proof of why meditation is good for you.  If you were to visit some of the healthiest people on the planet you will be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t believe in, attest to, and practice meditation.  So if so many people expound in the benefits of meditation, why don’t we meditate?

            There may be many, many reasons why we don’t meditate; but I think I can boil it down to two really specific things that keep us from meditating.  I was exposed to meditation when I was 19 years old.  I was studying psychology as an undergraduate in college and exploring the work of Herbert Benson out of Harvard.  Herbert Benson really researched the benefits, physiologically, of meditation.  I started meditating right away but there were gaps, breaks in my meditation.  Why?  Though I was very impressed with Dr. Benson’s work, I was 19 years old and things like blood pressure and medical benefits weren’t really an issue for me at that time.  Dr. Benson talked a lot about the physiological effects that meditation had on your body.  I was 19 and quite healthy.  I wasn’t concerned yet about my blood pressure or the medical benefits of meditation because I wasn’t feeling any health problems at that time.  I enjoyed meditation; I enjoyed relaxing and feeling very peaceful.  Sometimes days, even weeks would go by without me meditating.  Why?  This is really the first reason many of us don’t meditate.  We really need a good reason to do something.  We need a reason to meditate.  If we’re going to spend a half an hour a day doing something we need to know what we’re doing really changes us or adds to our overall happiness.  Our lives are busy and our time is precious so we don’t want to ‘waste’ it doing something that we don’t know for sure is beneficial.  We may think “yes, this makes me feel nice and relaxed but it doesn’t’ really change me or add to my overall happiness.”  What changed for me is that many years later I met people who I felt were very deep, very healthy, very emotionally and spiritually mature people.  What I learned about them, pretty much across the board, was that they meditated.  They attested to meditation, they practiced meditation and they encouraged me to meditate.  Because I really love growth, once I really understood how important meditation was to my own personal growth I started to meditate regularly.  Once I started meditating regularly I saw the change within me.  I began to change, radically change, and people around me noticed it too.

            So the first thing that keeps us from meditating is that we really need a reason to meditate.  As humans, we vacillate between two poles.  At one end there is immediate gratification.  “I’m tired, it was a long day and I’m going to have myself a few beers to relax.”  Or “When I go to Vegas I always have such a great time, even though I come back exhausted.  It sure feels great while I’m there, so I go.”  So the first thing we do is look for something pleasurable.  We want to feel good.  Meditation can address this because once you start meditating on a regular basis you will begin to feel good.  However, meditation takes time to work.  You have to stick with it before you begin to really feel the deep affects of it.  It will be better than having a few beers or going to Vegas, but it takes time.

            So the second aspect that affects our behavior is our goals.  As a profession in general, surgeons make more money than any other profession out there.  But, they have to go to college for four years, and do very well.  Then they have to go to medical school for another four years and do very well.  Then they go off to do a residency for anywhere from five to seven years, working sometimes 100 hours a week.  So why would they do this?  They do this because of their goals.  They realize that in the end they will be working in a very lucrative profession and have a very secure job.  So besides the immediate effects of mediation we also need a deep, heartfelt reason as to why we are going to meditate day after day, week after week, year after year.  For me this reason came from learning from others; from people who taught me that meditation is truly the number one change agent on the planet.  If you want to grow, if you want to wake up and have a beautiful life then meditation is the key factor to this.  But you have to believe it at the core, because like the surgeons going through medical school can be hard sometimes; meditation can be hard sometimes.  It’s not a bad experience but sometimes we’re just too tired, too busy to take the time to meditate.  Until we reach a point where meditation really, really is something we are invested in and believe that it will radically change our lives for the better, we’re probably not going to meditate on a regular basis.  There are just too many things out there that are calling for our attention.  Telling us to come do this, come do that, this is more important.  I can absolutely guarantee you that meditation is truly the most important thing you can do in your life for creating a beautiful, important, wonderful life.  But until you believe this, other things will get in the way and distract you.  What you can do is to find someone that can really motivate you to meditate.  I would love to be this person to you, but I also know that I cannot be all things to all people.  Some of us are research minded; we want to see the facts.  If that’s you, then there are many research articles out there, on my website and in my podcasts even, which explain how beneficial meditation is to you.  Over the years I’ve seen many hardcore professionals change their meditative ways drastically after attending a retreat with my partner and me.  That’s why retreats are very helpful in this sense.  Or perhaps you can find a local group near your home to meditate with others.  Sometimes, it’s a lot like an exercise class; we are more inspired to attend regularly if there are others there to meditate with us.

            So there are really two main reasons why we don’t meditate.  One is that at first it may not give us enough pleasure to keep our attention.  My response to that is to be patient, it will bring you pleasure if you hang in there.  It’s similar to exercise, at first we don’t realize how good the exercise makes us feel until we’ve started doing it regularly and then our bodies actually crave that exercise.  Your mind reacts in the same way.  As you meditate regularly your mind too will crave those meditative states.  It will grow to be the highlight of your day.

            The second thing that often keeps us from meditating is that we don’t really believe that it’s good for us.  So if you want to meditate, make sure you’re connected with someone or something that drives it deep down inside of you that you need to meditate, meditation is really good for you.  Continue to listen to my podcasts online, meditate regularly, find someone or something that inspires you to continue to meditate and you will realize as time goes on that you feel the effects of the meditation.  That person, that story, that connection that makes you realize the importance of meditation will also make you realize that meditation is a key part to your life.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net

How to Feel Beautiful: Feel Beautiful and Celebrate Ourselves

Our culture, around the world, puts so much pressure on us to look good, to stay young, and to stay beautiful.  Why?  How does this impact us?  There are many reasons why.  One, from more of an evolutionary stance, is that being beautiful encourages people to procreate.  Women who are younger are, of course, more able to have children so youth is seen as something that is desirable; this is natural and helps us have procreate around the world.  If we had evolved in such a way to find elderly people to be attractive then we wouldn’t have as many babies and genes wouldn’t be passed on.  While this may seem rather scientific and cold, it does have a very evolutionary, genetic aspect to it.  It helps us make babies and keep generations going.  You could almost say that beauty is in the genes.

But perhaps a far more powerful force that generates what we consider beautiful and affects us is the media.  The media is constantly telling us what’s beautiful and what’s attractive because there’s a benefit to that.  If we love who we are and don’t see a need to change to improve ourselves then no companies can make money on selling products that improve people.  So there’s a sense that “hey, we have to make people feel like there’s a sense that they need to change themselves and make themselves more beautiful so that we can make money.”  Again, this may seem cold but it has a very monetary benefit to our culture.  It helps us create products so that we can change and look “more beautiful.”  So in a sense we could say that we are being brain-washed.  We’re being brain-washed as to what beautiful is and it constantly changes, so in that way we are continuously on the move to improve ourselves.  We’re never satisfied with who we are; we have to change, stay young and if we are young we have to look differently than we are.  That is what keeps the economic wheels turning.

So can we or do we need do anything about this?  The answer is “yes.”  Yes we should do something about this and yes we can do something about this.  So first, why should we do anything about this?  Why not just buy into everything we’re told, make changes, and keep improving ourselves to stay young and stay beautiful?  Mostly we should do something about this because it’s hard on us.  It’s not wrong or inappropriate to make changes to improve ourselves, it’s actually good to do that; but when there’s a sense of constant “deficit” that we tell ourselves “there’s something wrong with me” then changes need to occur.  It’s better, far better, to say “Hey, this is the way I am.  This is the way God created me, however, can I enhance it or can I make it better?”  It’s a lot like a farmer who has a field and there are wild berries there and he can find wild animals to hunt and gather; or he can get domesticated animals and he can till that land and make it even more productive.  It’s kind of like that; it’s a choice, we still love the beauty of the wildness but we can choose to improve ourselves. 

For a moment, let’s imagine our beauty is an open field.  Something that in and of itself is truly beautiful, it’s a gift from God; it’s something we can celebrate and be excited about.  However, we may want to change and make some improvements; or we may not, it’s just a choice, either one is fine.  If we take it in a way that, “Yes, my hair is graying a bit.  I think I’ll color my hair and not let the gray come out” it’s okay; or we can say “Yes, my hair is graying but I’m just going to accept it. I don’t mind the graying” then that’s okay too.  But do you see the gentleness there?  We’re kind about our looks.  We can change them but we can also love them and keep them the same.  We can be excited about change and we can be excited about growing old and aging; both can be fine but if we don’t accept what we have, even after the improvements, we are going to be unhappy.  I think that’s where we need to be careful about media and advertisements.  They really play on us being unhappy with what is.  Health is about accepting what is and ultimately loving what is.

Beauty is something that we can change, we can improve upon, and we can accept.  But to be happy, to have a good life we need to love what we have and/or love the improvements we make with what we have.  If every time we look in the mirror we are self-critical, we attack ourselves and say things like, “That’s ugly.  That’s unattractive.  Those wrinkles are just disgusting” then we’re going to suffer.  Instead, if we say “Hey, that’s a beautiful person there.  I love that person and I’m going to make some changes and make that person even more beautiful but it’s a beautiful person even when it gets out of bed first thing in the morning.”  That’s hard to do and that’s why meditation can help us improve this.

Let’s work towards improving the way we feel about ourselves because the main person who suffers when we are self-critical about the way we look is us; we suffer.  The key to change is to start by being aware of what we are thinking in our head all day long.  If we are noticing that we are being self-critical all day long about the way we look then we’re not going to feel good inside.  There’s going to be a slow, progressive, self-loathing there.  Since we all age, there’s no way we can keep up with the most beautiful people in the world, it’s impossible.  So instead of comparing and contrasting, by just loving ourselves we are going to be happy.

For example we may go to an art gallery and see some beautiful Monet Lilies and fall in love with them, finding them utterly beautiful; then we can go to another part of the gallery and see a Michelangelo sculpture and say, “Oh my goodness that is so beautiful!”  So the key is to celebrate everything and see it as beautiful.  If we don’t judge ourselves and, equally important, if we are not judging other people, then life will go better; because the negative self-talk that we hear in our head is hard on us.  The ultimate goal is to quiet your mind and not to judge, not to criticize; just to be with and enjoy all the wonders of life.  Celebrate the different shapes, sizes, and looks of everyone around us and life goes so much better.

When I met my wife and began dating her she introduced me to one of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life.  Her name was Vy and it was my wife’s grandmother.  She was almost 90 years old and she was short, overweight, and yet she had an indomitable beautiful spirit that just made her glow with a beauty and radiance beyond description.  Our actions often make us far more beautiful than the external looks that we have.  But the most important person in the world that’s going to help us to feel beautiful inside and out is ourselves.  Even if the whole world thinks we are very attractive, if we don’t think so ourselves, then it won’t make any difference.  But the reverse is true also.  If we celebrate who we are and love who we are, even as we age, we will feel attractive, we will feel beautiful no matter what the world says.  So it’s important to pay attention to our thoughts and that’s the beauty of meditation; it helps us to be aware of what we are thinking.  Once we are aware of what we are thinking, we can then change what we are thinking.  So let’s pay attention to our thoughts.  Let’s work on loving who we are, finding ourselves beautiful inside and out, and then love us around us too. 

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net