Meditation Helps Us With Our Attachments: When You Need to Let GoMeditation Helps Us With Our Attachments: When You Need to Let Go

What are attachments?  How can they cause us suffering and how can meditation help with our attachments?

First, what are attachments?  Simply put, attachments are anything that we need in order to be happy.  “I have to have this or I will not be happy.  Without this person or without this accomplishment, I will not be happy.  I need it.  I need it, period.”

Let’s look at an example.  Probably the strongest attachment that I’ve ever had in my life was with my high school sweetheart, many, many years ago.  We began dating when I was a senior and she was a sophomore.  I moved out of state for my first year of university and we broke up.  We really hadn’t been dating long so, though I really missed her, I was okay at that point.  But then during my second year of university I transferred back to a university near my hometown.  My ex-girlfriend and I started dating again and, again, it went well.  I had hopes that someday we would spend our lives together.  Then when I was a junior in university she applied and started attending the same university that I was attending.  At first things went pretty well but then things changed and our relationship ended.  The breakup was very, very sad for me.  I remember thinking, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again; if I’ll ever find anyone else I’ll spend my life with.”  It was just very, very painful for me and I really, truly missed her.  Of course both of us moved on and started dating other people with time.  But for a long time my heart felt somewhat broken.  I was so attached to her, because she really was in many ways my first love.  I was so attached to her that losing her was just so very painful and I couldn’t envision anyone being able to replace her.  Of course I did move on and many years later I’m very happily married and love my wife very much.  But it took a long time to break free of this attachment.

So let’s explore attachments and why they cause suffering.  There are very few guarantees in life.  The one thing that for sure is going to happen is that we are all going to die; but the other thing that is probably going to happen is that things are going to change.  Life is full of change.  We get jobs, we lose jobs, we have relationships that end, we are young, we grow old; life is just in a constant state of flux and change.  The only thing permanent in life is its impermanence.  In simpler words; life changes, period.

So if we use a metaphor of life being like a river flowing down a stream and as we are flowing down that stream it goes pretty well; but anytime we stand still in that stream and say “I don’t want anything to change, I want to stay right here” the river pushes against us and it causes us suffering.  If we flow with life, life goes well; but when we try to stay in one place in a river that’s flowing there will be suffering.  Attachments are basically like that river; we want what we want and we want it to stay the same.  We need this, we have to have this or we will be unhappy; we will suffer.  So any attachment that we hang on to, whether it’s our health, our beauty, our relationships, whatever it may be; if we say “this can’t change” it will and we will suffer.  Some people may say, “Well, I’m happily married and I plan on being this way for years to come.”  That’s wonderful, but one of you will most likely die first and that means if there’s too much attachment there, there will be suffering.  What I’m not suggesting is to not love; loving is important, loving deeply.  But when we say “I have to have this” we’ll suffer.  A far better approach in life is to say, “I prefer to have this.”  So when you walk into a restaurant and they have the meal you want, you’re excited; but if they don’t have it, then you say “Well what do you have? Okay, that sounds pretty good.”  You weren’t attached to absolutely having to hve that particular meal you wanted and in the end were still happy with the other options you were given.  A person who’s attached to a certain outcome will say, “What? This is terrible! I wanted that and now you’ve ruined my day!”  They’re attached to a certain outcome.  Yes, it’s okay to have certain preferences but when things have to go a certain way then suffering can and often does occur.  I talk about this in far more complexity in my e-Book and audio book Living a Peaceful Life; I’ve really just touched the surface here but I think you get a glimpse of how attachments can cause suffering.

The next question is, “How can meditation help?  How can meditation help me be free of or not suffer from my attachments?”  There are many benefits of meditation and I’ve talked about many of them throughout my years of practicing and teaching meditation.  I believe one of the keys, if not the key benefit of meditation is learning how to live in the present moment.  There’s just so much mind chatter going on in our brains all day long.  Meditation teaches us to quiet our minds and our attachments come from this mind chatter.  When there’s no mind chatter, then there are no attachments.  All and I do mean all of our attachments come from the mind chatter that’s going on all day long.  So if we learn to quiet our minds, we learn to just be and live in the present moment and the attachments disappear.  I can prove this theory.

Let’s take for a moment someone who’s very, very sad because perhaps they want so very much to be in a relationship and they’re not in one.  They walk into a movie theater with a friend and during that movie they forget about their worries, their fears, and their thoughts of “I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I wish so much I was in a relationship” all of this mind chatter they hear all day that makes them so sad and unhappy has disappeared while they’re enjoying the movie.  When they come out of the movie they see someone else in a relationship, a happy couple together, and their mind chatter begins again.  Once again they become very sad and fixated on that idea that they want and need to be in a relationship. 

Again, it’s very important for us to understand that ALL of our suffering comes from our attachments.  Our attachments are created, are fueled, and are maintained by our thoughts.  If we don’t have our thoughts, we won’t suffer.  Of course we will have thoughts but what meditation does is teach us to quiet the mind.  It teaches us to be present and control our thoughts so that our thoughts don’t run wild.  When we witness a negative attachment, we witness it and then we just get back to living life.  It’s a lot like when we meditate; you follow your breath or your prayer word or your mantra and a thought comes. When that thought comes what do we do?  We go back to our prayer word, our breath, our mantra.  Again, another thought comes and we go back to our breath, and so on.

In the same way, as we’re living our life when the attachments kick in and they cause us suffering, the key is to just get back to living life.  Be with your friend, do your work, watch nature; whatever it may be.  When we learn to live in the present life, to flow with life, life goes well.

I’m not negating the importance of grieving.  When we lose someone or something that we love, of course we need to go through the grieving process.  However, for most people this grieving process is very extended and though part of the time is spent grieving, most of the time is spent with the attachments.  There’s a big difference between attachments and grieving.  When you are grieving you will feel better at the end of the grieving sessions.  The tears will flow and you’ll feel better.  When you’re attached you won’t feel better; you’ll just be thinking negative thoughts and you’ll be stuck.  When we realize that our thoughts create the attachments and we can quiet our minds, be still, and be present with the now through meditation, then we can start implementing our meditation practice to help us with our attachments.  Use the time during meditation to focus on the attachment but then get back to just being.  When the attachments come, and they will come, just get back to being.  When you’re living your life and you start fearing, being afraid, desiring something so much that it is causing you to miss out on the here and now just be present.  Meditation is a way to help us to live our lives well.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net

Meditation Can Reduce the Intensity of Pain: Medication or Meditation?

Recently my daughter slammed her hand in the door and it was very painful for her.  I had done a similar thing many years ago and initially it was a very painful experience for about maybe ten seconds.  I started to breathe slowly and deeply and the pain went away quickly.  There still remained a slight, dull ache for a while but overall the pain was gone.  I’m sure my daughter and I aren’t unique in having painful experiences to us.

Many of my listeners or readers may have some form of disability that causes them some type of pain; whether it be intermittently or constant.  It may be you or it may be someone you know that experiences pain and is struggling with it day to day.  This would be good information to share with them because pain is very challenging to live with and having any natural, healthy, way of dealing with it instead of prescription medication can be very helpful.

Today we are going to look at a study that was published in the April 6, 2011 Journal of Neuroscience.  They had 15 healthy volunteers who had never meditated before.  These volunteers were taught meditation over four 20-minute classes.  What the researchers did was take scans of the brain with an ASL MRI  (Arterial Spin Labeling Magnetic Resonance Imaging) or for most of us, a “brain scan.”  The next part was a little intense, but remember these people were volunteers.  They took a small area of skin on their legs and they heated up their skin to 120^°F with this little device.  The researchers’ goal was to induce pain, and I’m assuming they accomplished this since 120^°F is quite hot.  First they heated the area up for 5 minutes and monitored the volunteers’ brains; then the researchers heated the volunteers legs again, only this time while the volunteers were meditating.  What they found was that there was a difference in pain levels and pain level perceptions between the time the volunteers were meditating and the time they were not.  The participants themselves said that the pain intensity decreased during the meditation from 11% to 93%.  Overall, that means that there was about a 40% reduction in pain intensity and a 57% reduction in pain unpleasantness.  Meditation produced a reduction in pain that was an even greater reduction in pain than someone taking a narcotic pain medication, such as morphine, which typically reduces pain by about 25%.  These numbers are incredible.  Because self-reports are often not as trustworthy on a scientific level, while the researchers had the participants hooked up to the brain scans they viewed the volunteers’ brain activity.  What they found was that meditation reduced activity in the primary somatosensory cortex, which is an area of the brain that’s involved in creating the feeling of where and how intense a painful experience really is.  The scans taken before the meditation occurred, showed that this same area activity was very high.  But when these volunteers were meditating and the pain was being induced there was a significant drop of brain activity in the somatosensory cortex; the researchers couldn’t even find any activity in this area of the brain!

So what does this mean to you and me?  Clearly, this shows that practicing meditation when we are suffering and in pain is a great alternative to medication.  I believe this is the third study I’ve covered that deals with meditation and the reduction of pain.  Because there is so much research on how meditation helps with eliminating or making pain less intense, if we in any way struggle with pain, why don’t we meditate?  The proof is in the pudding; the research has been done.  Next time you get a headache, next time you hurt, or if you’re unfortunately suffering right now with chronic pain let’s try to handle the pain with meditation. 

You may ask, “Dr. Puff, what’s wrong with taking medication if it works to relieve my pain?” and my answer is quite simple.  I’ve dealt with many people in my practice that have had to take pain medication; many have become addicted to the medication.  Addiction to pain medication is a very common problem with people who have to use medication regularly to deal with pain and it’s a very unpleasant thing when they become addicted.  This addiction can have serious effects on your life, your personality, your family, your friends, and often sends us down a path that we do not want to go on.  Not to mention, many of these medications can also have side effects on the body and its organs; which is why most doctors regularly run medical and blood tests on patients who are on these medications regularly.  So if we meditate, what we can do is help with our pain and perhaps even alleviate the need for pain medications. 

I know that I have a very high tolerance for pain naturally, but I also feel that this is, in part, because of my many years of practicing meditation every morning and every night.  Join me on this journey of meditation to take on the challenge of pain in your life; whether it be small or large, chronic or intermittent.  Living with pain is challenging at best.  It is hard to live with and if we have the tools to turn to that can help us alleviate the pain we are in, without the use of medications, then why not utilize it?  You can join me on my website for podcasts and guided meditations, meditation retreats, or pick up one of my books.  No matter what your choice is, make the choice to get rid of pain, naturally and safely with a simple technique that relaxes you as your pain fades away; meditation.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net 

Why We Don’t Meditate: And How We Can Change This

            Let’s explore why we don’t meditate twice a day?  Some of us do, but many of us don’t meditate when we should.  People come home after a long, hard day of work, finish their day and fall into bed without meditating.  There’s simply ‘no time’ for meditation.  But why don’t we find the time?  There is so much proof of why meditation is good for you.  If you were to visit some of the healthiest people on the planet you will be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t believe in, attest to, and practice meditation.  So if so many people expound in the benefits of meditation, why don’t we meditate?

            There may be many, many reasons why we don’t meditate; but I think I can boil it down to two really specific things that keep us from meditating.  I was exposed to meditation when I was 19 years old.  I was studying psychology as an undergraduate in college and exploring the work of Herbert Benson out of Harvard.  Herbert Benson really researched the benefits, physiologically, of meditation.  I started meditating right away but there were gaps, breaks in my meditation.  Why?  Though I was very impressed with Dr. Benson’s work, I was 19 years old and things like blood pressure and medical benefits weren’t really an issue for me at that time.  Dr. Benson talked a lot about the physiological effects that meditation had on your body.  I was 19 and quite healthy.  I wasn’t concerned yet about my blood pressure or the medical benefits of meditation because I wasn’t feeling any health problems at that time.  I enjoyed meditation; I enjoyed relaxing and feeling very peaceful.  Sometimes days, even weeks would go by without me meditating.  Why?  This is really the first reason many of us don’t meditate.  We really need a good reason to do something.  We need a reason to meditate.  If we’re going to spend a half an hour a day doing something we need to know what we’re doing really changes us or adds to our overall happiness.  Our lives are busy and our time is precious so we don’t want to ‘waste’ it doing something that we don’t know for sure is beneficial.  We may think “yes, this makes me feel nice and relaxed but it doesn’t’ really change me or add to my overall happiness.”  What changed for me is that many years later I met people who I felt were very deep, very healthy, very emotionally and spiritually mature people.  What I learned about them, pretty much across the board, was that they meditated.  They attested to meditation, they practiced meditation and they encouraged me to meditate.  Because I really love growth, once I really understood how important meditation was to my own personal growth I started to meditate regularly.  Once I started meditating regularly I saw the change within me.  I began to change, radically change, and people around me noticed it too.

            So the first thing that keeps us from meditating is that we really need a reason to meditate.  As humans, we vacillate between two poles.  At one end there is immediate gratification.  “I’m tired, it was a long day and I’m going to have myself a few beers to relax.”  Or “When I go to Vegas I always have such a great time, even though I come back exhausted.  It sure feels great while I’m there, so I go.”  So the first thing we do is look for something pleasurable.  We want to feel good.  Meditation can address this because once you start meditating on a regular basis you will begin to feel good.  However, meditation takes time to work.  You have to stick with it before you begin to really feel the deep affects of it.  It will be better than having a few beers or going to Vegas, but it takes time.

            So the second aspect that affects our behavior is our goals.  As a profession in general, surgeons make more money than any other profession out there.  But, they have to go to college for four years, and do very well.  Then they have to go to medical school for another four years and do very well.  Then they go off to do a residency for anywhere from five to seven years, working sometimes 100 hours a week.  So why would they do this?  They do this because of their goals.  They realize that in the end they will be working in a very lucrative profession and have a very secure job.  So besides the immediate effects of mediation we also need a deep, heartfelt reason as to why we are going to meditate day after day, week after week, year after year.  For me this reason came from learning from others; from people who taught me that meditation is truly the number one change agent on the planet.  If you want to grow, if you want to wake up and have a beautiful life then meditation is the key factor to this.  But you have to believe it at the core, because like the surgeons going through medical school can be hard sometimes; meditation can be hard sometimes.  It’s not a bad experience but sometimes we’re just too tired, too busy to take the time to meditate.  Until we reach a point where meditation really, really is something we are invested in and believe that it will radically change our lives for the better, we’re probably not going to meditate on a regular basis.  There are just too many things out there that are calling for our attention.  Telling us to come do this, come do that, this is more important.  I can absolutely guarantee you that meditation is truly the most important thing you can do in your life for creating a beautiful, important, wonderful life.  But until you believe this, other things will get in the way and distract you.  What you can do is to find someone that can really motivate you to meditate.  I would love to be this person to you, but I also know that I cannot be all things to all people.  Some of us are research minded; we want to see the facts.  If that’s you, then there are many research articles out there, on my website and in my podcasts even, which explain how beneficial meditation is to you.  Over the years I’ve seen many hardcore professionals change their meditative ways drastically after attending a retreat with my partner and me.  That’s why retreats are very helpful in this sense.  Or perhaps you can find a local group near your home to meditate with others.  Sometimes, it’s a lot like an exercise class; we are more inspired to attend regularly if there are others there to meditate with us.

            So there are really two main reasons why we don’t meditate.  One is that at first it may not give us enough pleasure to keep our attention.  My response to that is to be patient, it will bring you pleasure if you hang in there.  It’s similar to exercise, at first we don’t realize how good the exercise makes us feel until we’ve started doing it regularly and then our bodies actually crave that exercise.  Your mind reacts in the same way.  As you meditate regularly your mind too will crave those meditative states.  It will grow to be the highlight of your day.

            The second thing that often keeps us from meditating is that we don’t really believe that it’s good for us.  So if you want to meditate, make sure you’re connected with someone or something that drives it deep down inside of you that you need to meditate, meditation is really good for you.  Continue to listen to my podcasts online, meditate regularly, find someone or something that inspires you to continue to meditate and you will realize as time goes on that you feel the effects of the meditation.  That person, that story, that connection that makes you realize the importance of meditation will also make you realize that meditation is a key part to your life.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net

Boosting Our Self Confidence: The Magnetic Personality We Create

This article is inspired by one of my listeners from the Netherlands.  She is recently divorced and is rebuilding her life.  She wanted some advice on how to build self-confidence again.  I decided that in response to her e-mail I would like to address using meditation as a means to boost our self-confidence. 

What is it that causes our self-confidence to be beaten down so we don’t do as well in life?  It stems from two things; one is our external environment, how people treat us and from our internal environment, how we treat ourselves.  When you are in an abusive relationship or have friends who are abusive, it will wear away on your self-confidence.  So I encourage all of us to surround ourselves with loving, kind people and if people aren’t kind call them on it; encourage them to stop and if they won’t stop move on and find new friends.  Sometimes, like our friend from the Netherlands, you have to move on and remove yourself from the person or people you’re with that are abusive.  Sometimes you have to start a new life.  But the only thing that’s important is how we talk to ourselves, what’s going on in our head all day long.  There is that “mind chatter” that goes on throughout the day until we learn to quiet our mind and that mind chatter is very important.  It matters what we say to ourselves, it really matters. 

I remember once, years ago, working with a woman who really struggled with self esteem.  She was very angry at her husband because about ten years earlier, when they were at a movie, he made a comment about her weight and it really stuck in her brain.  She was having a hard time, even ten years later, forgiving him for what he had said.  He only said it to her once, but it really hurt her.  What I pointed out to her was that all day long she was criticizing herself for her weight.  So I asked her, “Why is it okay for you to criticize yourself every day of your life about your weight, when your husband criticized you one time?”  She really didn’t have an answer to that question and that was how we began working towards stopping her negative self-talk, quieting her mind, and building her self-confidence so that she learned to love herself better.  It really matters what we say to ourselves in our head all day long.

Begin by being aware of “what am I saying to myself?”  For most of us, unless we are in a really abusive relationship, it’s easy to identify people who are abusive and we just stay away from them.  But our own self-talk can be very critical and it matters; so it’s a three step process to change our negative self-talk. 

·      First we have to be aware of it; we can’t change it if we’re talking negatively to ourselves but aren’t aware of it. 

·      Then when we are aware of it, stop the thought and the easiest way is to replace it with another thought.  Replace it with a loving, kindness thought towards ourselves and people around us.  When our minds are filled with loving and kindness thoughts, guess what happens?  Confidence and love exude from our very soul when our minds fill with these loving and kind thoughts. 

·      Lastly, learning to quiet our minds and being still is the ultimate aim that we are headed towards.  Being still, being present with no commentary, good or bad, just learning to be still in our minds.  Strive to love our life, be flowing with our lives, being present without commentary good or bad, and just learning to be. 

The Meditative State

Breathe slowly, breathe deeply.  Now is a time for relaxation.  Now is a time to be present, to quiet the mind and be still.  As we enter this quietness, let’s breathe slowly and breathe deeply; breathe slowly and breathe deeply.  Feel our body relax, become still and very, very quiet.

In this state of peace, in this state of quietude I want for us to start only letting people into our lives that are loving and kind.  We are loving and kind towards them.  We are attracted toward and we surround ourselves with loving kindness towards others and those who share loving kindness towards us.  It’s almost as if a magnet is being created inside of us that says “I am only going to be with people who treat me kindly, lovingly and I’m only going to treat others the same way; with loving kindness.”  As we meditate, our brains, our hearts, and souls are being reconditioned so that they only want to be around those who are kind and loving.  When people act in our lives that aren’t kind and loving we gently talk to them about it and if their behavior doesn’t change then we gravitate towards those people who are loving and kind and gently move away from those who are not.  That magnet in us tells us, “I can only be around those people who are loving and kind towards me and I will reciprocate and attract them because I am loving and kind towards them.”  It’s a beautiful relationship that we have in our lives; loving them and having them love us.  This is what we are attracted towards.  This is what our heart desires.  This is the type of relationship we find ourselves in, loving ones, kind ones.  You can feel that loving kindness coming towards you from the people in your life.  You give that same loving kindness back to them.  It’s a beautiful life that’s being created each and every day because of the loving kindness that you receive from others and the loving kindness that you give back to those in your life.

Equally as important is that we become aware of our own internal thoughts.  Because we are becoming aware of and paying attention to what our thoughts are telling us, we only allow them to be loving, kind thoughts.  We only allow them to be thoughts that build us up, care for us and if they are critical we replace them with loving, kind thoughts.  This is our life.  We desire to only have loving, kindness to be spoken to us from ourselves.  It truly matters what we think about ourselves; so what we develop are loving, kind thoughts towards our self; awareness is the key.  Unless we are aware of what thoughts are going on in our head we can’t change.  Once we are aware and know what these thoughts are, we saturate our thoughts with love and kindness towards our self; focusing on that which we love about ourselves, that which is beautiful, that which is kind.  We are building up who we are by focusing on forcing our own loving kindness towards ourselves and towards others in our life.  We have that magnet that not only attracts loving kindness, compassion, gentleness, from others but also attracts loving kindness and gentleness towards ourselves.  Throughout the day we are gently, kindly, loving ourselves; treating ourselves with dignity and respect.  We are only allowing thoughts which are beautiful, which are kind, which are gentle, towards ourselves.  This is what and who we are; being attracted towards loving kindness and in return enhancing our own self-esteem and self-confidence.

We also work towards just being, quieting our mind, letting our mind be still and enjoy the present moment without commentary towards others, without commentary towards ourselves.  This is our ultimate goal that we work towards each and every day when we meditate.  We are teaching our minds to be still so that we can be present; because in the present moment all is well.  All is well when we are present.  The way we do that is by practicing our meditation.  We develop our quieting of the mind and we learn to be present throughout the day.  We are striving to have a meditative life so that we can have a still, quiet heart and in the stillness and quietness all is well.  When our minds are still, when our hearts are quiet there arises within us a peace that surpasses all understanding.  All that we need to do is to be still, be present and that peace is always there.  Our self confidence soars and we do so well because all is well.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, author, clinical psychologist, and  international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net

How to Feel Beautiful: Feel Beautiful and Celebrate Ourselves

Our culture, around the world, puts so much pressure on us to look good, to stay young, and to stay beautiful.  Why?  How does this impact us?  There are many reasons why.  One, from more of an evolutionary stance, is that being beautiful encourages people to procreate.  Women who are younger are, of course, more able to have children so youth is seen as something that is desirable; this is natural and helps us have procreate around the world.  If we had evolved in such a way to find elderly people to be attractive then we wouldn’t have as many babies and genes wouldn’t be passed on.  While this may seem rather scientific and cold, it does have a very evolutionary, genetic aspect to it.  It helps us make babies and keep generations going.  You could almost say that beauty is in the genes.

But perhaps a far more powerful force that generates what we consider beautiful and affects us is the media.  The media is constantly telling us what’s beautiful and what’s attractive because there’s a benefit to that.  If we love who we are and don’t see a need to change to improve ourselves then no companies can make money on selling products that improve people.  So there’s a sense that “hey, we have to make people feel like there’s a sense that they need to change themselves and make themselves more beautiful so that we can make money.”  Again, this may seem cold but it has a very monetary benefit to our culture.  It helps us create products so that we can change and look “more beautiful.”  So in a sense we could say that we are being brain-washed.  We’re being brain-washed as to what beautiful is and it constantly changes, so in that way we are continuously on the move to improve ourselves.  We’re never satisfied with who we are; we have to change, stay young and if we are young we have to look differently than we are.  That is what keeps the economic wheels turning.

So can we or do we need do anything about this?  The answer is “yes.”  Yes we should do something about this and yes we can do something about this.  So first, why should we do anything about this?  Why not just buy into everything we’re told, make changes, and keep improving ourselves to stay young and stay beautiful?  Mostly we should do something about this because it’s hard on us.  It’s not wrong or inappropriate to make changes to improve ourselves, it’s actually good to do that; but when there’s a sense of constant “deficit” that we tell ourselves “there’s something wrong with me” then changes need to occur.  It’s better, far better, to say “Hey, this is the way I am.  This is the way God created me, however, can I enhance it or can I make it better?”  It’s a lot like a farmer who has a field and there are wild berries there and he can find wild animals to hunt and gather; or he can get domesticated animals and he can till that land and make it even more productive.  It’s kind of like that; it’s a choice, we still love the beauty of the wildness but we can choose to improve ourselves. 

For a moment, let’s imagine our beauty is an open field.  Something that in and of itself is truly beautiful, it’s a gift from God; it’s something we can celebrate and be excited about.  However, we may want to change and make some improvements; or we may not, it’s just a choice, either one is fine.  If we take it in a way that, “Yes, my hair is graying a bit.  I think I’ll color my hair and not let the gray come out” it’s okay; or we can say “Yes, my hair is graying but I’m just going to accept it. I don’t mind the graying” then that’s okay too.  But do you see the gentleness there?  We’re kind about our looks.  We can change them but we can also love them and keep them the same.  We can be excited about change and we can be excited about growing old and aging; both can be fine but if we don’t accept what we have, even after the improvements, we are going to be unhappy.  I think that’s where we need to be careful about media and advertisements.  They really play on us being unhappy with what is.  Health is about accepting what is and ultimately loving what is.

Beauty is something that we can change, we can improve upon, and we can accept.  But to be happy, to have a good life we need to love what we have and/or love the improvements we make with what we have.  If every time we look in the mirror we are self-critical, we attack ourselves and say things like, “That’s ugly.  That’s unattractive.  Those wrinkles are just disgusting” then we’re going to suffer.  Instead, if we say “Hey, that’s a beautiful person there.  I love that person and I’m going to make some changes and make that person even more beautiful but it’s a beautiful person even when it gets out of bed first thing in the morning.”  That’s hard to do and that’s why meditation can help us improve this.

Let’s work towards improving the way we feel about ourselves because the main person who suffers when we are self-critical about the way we look is us; we suffer.  The key to change is to start by being aware of what we are thinking in our head all day long.  If we are noticing that we are being self-critical all day long about the way we look then we’re not going to feel good inside.  There’s going to be a slow, progressive, self-loathing there.  Since we all age, there’s no way we can keep up with the most beautiful people in the world, it’s impossible.  So instead of comparing and contrasting, by just loving ourselves we are going to be happy.

For example we may go to an art gallery and see some beautiful Monet Lilies and fall in love with them, finding them utterly beautiful; then we can go to another part of the gallery and see a Michelangelo sculpture and say, “Oh my goodness that is so beautiful!”  So the key is to celebrate everything and see it as beautiful.  If we don’t judge ourselves and, equally important, if we are not judging other people, then life will go better; because the negative self-talk that we hear in our head is hard on us.  The ultimate goal is to quiet your mind and not to judge, not to criticize; just to be with and enjoy all the wonders of life.  Celebrate the different shapes, sizes, and looks of everyone around us and life goes so much better.

When I met my wife and began dating her she introduced me to one of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life.  Her name was Vy and it was my wife’s grandmother.  She was almost 90 years old and she was short, overweight, and yet she had an indomitable beautiful spirit that just made her glow with a beauty and radiance beyond description.  Our actions often make us far more beautiful than the external looks that we have.  But the most important person in the world that’s going to help us to feel beautiful inside and out is ourselves.  Even if the whole world thinks we are very attractive, if we don’t think so ourselves, then it won’t make any difference.  But the reverse is true also.  If we celebrate who we are and love who we are, even as we age, we will feel attractive, we will feel beautiful no matter what the world says.  So it’s important to pay attention to our thoughts and that’s the beauty of meditation; it helps us to be aware of what we are thinking.  Once we are aware of what we are thinking, we can then change what we are thinking.  So let’s pay attention to our thoughts.  Let’s work on loving who we are, finding ourselves beautiful inside and out, and then love us around us too. 

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net 

Meditation, Einstein and Living in the Moment: Has Your Life Gone to the Dogs?

I have an assistant at my work named Einstein.  He’s a yellow lab and he’s been coming to work with me for about twelve years now, since he was a puppy.  Though he’s a great help with children and other clients that I see in private practice, helping them feel comfortable; he’s an ever greater asset to me.  He’s very intelligent, kind, gentle, and incredibly sensitive to people’s feelings.  The two of us go on a walk almost every day.  We walk anywhere from a couple of miles to three or four miles; he’s very healthy, but now that he’s twelve years old he’s slowed down quite a bit.  When he gets in the car I usually have to give him a little boost to get in.  Before I sat down to do this pod cast, Einstein and I went for a walk.  I’m in my office in Newport Beach today and behind my office there is a staircase that goes up to the cliffs where Einstein and I like to walk.  I was walking ahead of Einstein and the leash that I was holding started tugging and Einstein wasn’t following me anymore.  He had collapsed on the staircase and was looking up at me rather pitifully.  Periodically his legs give way and they had collapsed underneath him as he was walking up the staircase.  I, of course, turned around and went down, lifted him up and carried him up the rest of the staircase.  We kept on walking, he started sniffing around and we both enjoyed the walk as we always do.  As I was walking, I was thinking that what had happened made me realize something about us as humans.  What many of us do when something tragic happens is create a story; a story that can run down a very dark path and ruin our day.  For example, in this instance I could have thought: “Oh no, Einstein’s getting older, he’s not going to be able to walk some day.  He may die some day soon.  This is horrible.  This is terrible.  What am I going to do?”  But I didn’t do that and neither did Einstein.  Einstein just walked, he didn’t’ even think about what had happened.  He went on and just did his typical sniffing, walking around, talking to other dogs and having a really good time; just as I did, although I didn’t sniff around quite as much as he did.  What we didn’t do was create a story.  Today, right now, Einstein was able to get up and keep walking.  He’s healthy today.  Tomorrow may be different, in a few weeks it may be worse; but right now he is doing fine and we are doing fine and we enjoy our walks together.  When he reaches a point where he won’t be able to walk anymore, Einstein and I will both adjust to that.  If there comes a time, and it will as it comes in all of our lives, where Einstein will head on over to the other side we will adjust to that too.  Of course, if Einstein hadn’t gotten up and I needed to take him to the hospital I would have done that.  I would have done what I had to do to make him well, keep him safe, and have him not suffer.  But still, even in that, we would just live in the moment.  This is how it relates to mediation.

If you’ve been listening to me for a while you know that meditation, from my perspective, is about quieting the mind and living in the present moment basically one breath at a time.  There are so many beautiful, wonderful things to be with and meditation teaches us to do just that.  When we meditate we concentrate on our mantra, our prayer word, our breath and we don’t create stories in our head.  We just follow our breath, be present with the moment, and enjoy the meditation experience.  When we stop meditating, the goal is to keep this going by being present with what is and trying to keep our minds fairly clear and empty.  It’s a very child-like approach to living.  Just enjoying life one breath at a time, being present with what is, and not creating stories.  Einstein is so good at doing this.  He has something to teach all of us and we can learn from it.

Meditation is another way to learn how to live in the present moment and really enjoy life’s journey.  Yes, there will be tragedy.  Yes, there will be dark times, but they’re much, much darker when we create a story; a story of negativity, a story of what will happen, what might happen instead of just focusing on what is happening.

There’s a distinction in the medical community between pain and suffering.  Pain is the physical sensation that occurs when we have something physically happen to us that causes us physiological pain.  For example, in Einstein’s case when he was looking up at me from the stairs he probably was in a bit of pain because he had collapsed and fallen on all fours and couldn’t get up.  It was probably a bit painful.  The suffering would be the mental part; the mental part that we create… “Why did this happen?  What’s wrong with me?  Is this going to get worse?  Oh no, oh no, oh no!”  We do often do that, creating our own anguish.  That is suffering.  Suffering is mental and it makes pain far, far worse than just the pain in and of itself.  I think that’s why meditation is so effective in treating pain because it eliminates the stories we create in our heads.

When Einstein’s in pain he doesn’t’ create a story in his head.  When I first got him and he was a puppy, he had a very allergic reaction to something he ate in the backyard.  We took him to the pet emergency center because his head had swollen to at least two to three times its normal size.  Einstein always loves to meet new people; so even though his head was completely swollen, his tail was wagging away because he was so excited to meet all these new people at the veterinarian emergency center.  Meditation teaches us to live in the present moment, not to create stories, and just be.  It’s a beautiful way of life and I encourage all of us to try it.  We will forget, of course, but if we keep going back to it and keep remembering “Oh, I don’t have to create a story.  All I need to focus on is that there’s a problem, can I fix it?”  Einstein was stuck on the stairs, I picked him up, and we went for a walk.  That’s all it was.  All of us have things happen in life.  The one thing in life that is guaranteed is that life will change; but by not creating a story we adjust to change so much better.  We respond instead of react, when we don’t create a story.  Life can go pretty well when we don’t create a story and we just enjoy life one breath, one moment at a time.  Meditation is our tool for teaching us how to do this.

Remember, after you stop meditating in the morning and in the evening keep your mind in that meditative state, that state of present awareness, of just being throughout the day.  Of course we need to use our minds to make decisions and other things throughout the day but far, far, far less than we actually need to use it.  What I believe we will find is that if we just quiet our mind, live in the zone by just being, life actually goes much, much better.

Let’s try to live like Einstein; not create stories out of tragedies and just get up and start walking again.  I think we will find that this is a healthy way to live our lives.  This is what I teach in my pod casts and retreats; how to live a life without stories but a life filled with wonder, joy and peace.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net 

Meditation and Labyrinths

            Labyrinths are walking meditations that go way, way back in time.  Archeologists can date them all the way back to 1500 BC but they are probably much older than that.  We can find them all over the world, in churches, cathedrals, old ruins, and now many spiritual retreat centers have them.  Perhaps the most famous labyrinth is Chartres Cathedral just south of Paris.  It’s a beautiful labyrinth that dates to over 800 years ago.  I suggest anyone that goes to Europe visit Chartres Cathedral.  It’s beautiful and the labyrinth is right inside the cathedral.

            Some people confuse labyrinths with mazes, but it’s not a maze.  It is more of a meditation that is in walking form.  Let me explain.  The labyrinth has a pathway that you walk in order to reach the center but it goes round and round, back and forth, until you reach the center.  The key is to take slow steps and just walk towards the center; taking your time and following your breath.  I recommend with each step taking a breath.  Continue to walk all the way to the center until you get to there.  Once you get to the center, stop, be, listen.  I don’t want to necessarily tell you what will happen but I do want to encourage you to get on the internet and find a labyrinth near you.  Go to the labyrinth and walk the labyrinth.  See what happens when you get to the center.  The experience is different for different people.

            I love labyrinths and have been to many of them around the world.  I encourage you to try a labyrinth.  They are a walking meditation in a beautiful, winding course.  Many people, including myself, see it as a metaphor.  At one point you’re born, you enter life, life has twists and turns but then when you reach the center all is well.  All is well.  All has always been well, because there’s a path, a journey that each of us is on.  This path has a direct, exact way for each of us to go and we really can’t veer from it even though it has twists and turns in it.  It is leading us exactly where we are supposed to go.  Our goal throughout the journey is to stay present, stay focused, and just take one step, one breath, or metaphorically one day at a time.  As we enjoy the journey, even with the twists and turns, we get to the center and all is well.

            People around the world use labyrinths as a way to enter a contemplative state; a state of mental coy essence, where our minds are still and we just be.  Taking one day at a time, one moment at a time in life.  Life truly has a course for each one of us.  All will be well; we just need to keep going.  All will be well, all is well. 

            Throughout history people with time and money limitations have traveled labyrinths in lieu of traveling to actual holy sites.  They see the labyrinth as a substitute to these travels and create the same experience as visiting one of these holy sites around the world.  I encourage you to find a labyrinth and experience it.  Experience something that has been around the millenniums.  If you ever get a chance to visit California I would love to take you to some of them or better yet perhaps we could even experience the beautiful labyrinth of Chartres Cathedral in France some day.  I always welcome my readers and listeners contacting me.  I enjoy sharing my experiences with you, the reader and would love to do so personally.

Resource box:

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D. is a meditation expert, international speaker and the creator of the weekly Meditation For Health Podcast, available at http://www.MeditationForHealthPodcast.com  He also creates a weekly podcast that explores the world of Enlightenment available at http://www.EnlightenmentPodcast.com   He has a weekly podcast that explores the world of Happiness at http://www.HappinessPodcast.org  He also has a blog at http://www.Meditation-Enlightenment.com  If you would like to contact Dr. Puff, his e-mail address is DrPuff@cox.net